The chakra dispersed by the divine source was originally meant to be a linking power. The mental energies of people would connect and feelings would be understood without the need for words...that would lead to peace and stability. A sage who preached this sought to guide the people. However before long, people used chakra not to connect with others, but only to link the mental and physical energies within themselves.
Through a method of infusing one's own chakra and increasing it multifold, they are able to create terrifying weapons used for war.
All the sage did was to further the human paradox. And even if bonds are established, all they learned was that true understanding was not possible.
In any case, chakra only gives raise to conflict and false hope. We all know the reality too well. Even as we seek peace, we seek war. And this reality compels infinite suffering through the power known as chakra.
Power leads to the desire for war. And the lack of power leads to losing everything. Who will build a new world that overcomes this? who will create a dream world without any abominable chakra!? One who possess the most powerful chakra shall lead it!
-Madara of Reality
Friday, June 5, 2015
Monday, April 6, 2015
dejavu link to death and reincarnation and what we call fate.
This morning I "hallucinated" petting a very colorful bird feathered like a large parrot on my bed as it kept on leaning on me ,which caused me to have the same feeling as I did with my chinchilla two days ago when it abnormally wanting to climb onto me when I put my hand in the cage.After which I woke up and my maid told me it died early this morning.I believe it will reincarnate into the beautiful bird I "hallucinated" in the future. This incident makes me think that Déjà vu is link to death and "fated reincarnation". I have alot of Déjà vu experiences which I am able to recall many from as young as 5yrs old.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Remember Remember the 5th of November
Synopsis
Bruce Lee; born on 27/11/40 "cheated death" on 20/7/73 when he was 32 and he left Brandon whom was only 8 at that time. Brandon left us 20 years ago when he was only 28 and I was 6. Reborn on 27/7/86 and I'm now age 27. 40 years later after uncompleted Game of Death..I still remember. If Bruce is still alive today, our combined age makes a century. Today marks a very special day for us..as Human Beings. We do not forgive, we do not forget. Expect us. The Game of Truth & Humanity has just begun. ^w^
Expansion
李振藩 Lee Jun-fan/ 李小龍 Bruce Lee
Born 27 November 1940
Chinatown, San Francisco, USA
Died 20 July 1973 (aged 32)
Kowloon Tong, British Hong Kong
李国豪 Brandon Bruce Lee
Oakland, California, United States
Born February 1, 1965
Died March 31, 1993 (aged 28, 20 years ago)
Wilmington, North Carolina, United States
Day of Brandon's Birth+Death: 1+31=1+3+1=5
Month of Brandon's Birth+Death: Feb+Mar=2+3=5
Year of Brandon's Birth:65; He died when I'm 6.5 Nov 2013
Month of Bruce's Birth: Nov
Brandon's death 20 years ago: 20
Day of Brandon's Birth: 1
Last digit of Brandon's & Bruce's Death Year: 3
I'm reborn 13 years after Bruce's Death: 13
Year 2013: 40 years after Bruce's Death: 2013
Brandon's Age: 20+8=28 ; He died 20 years ago. Bruce "died" when Brandon was 8.
Brandon was only 28.
My Current Age: 20+7=27 ; Brandon died 20 years ago. Month of Bruce's Death:7.
Day of Bruce's Birth:27.
My Birthday: 27/7/86 ; Day of Bruce's Birth:27. Month of Bruce's Death:7.
Brandon was 8 when Bruce "died". I was 6 when Brandon died.
Bruce lee 40th anniversary: 32+8; He was only 32 when he left Brandon whom was only 8.
A century: If Bruce is still alive today, he would be age 73.
Our combined age would be 73+27=100 years.
Remember remember the 5th of November..
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Awaken the Giant within-By Anthony Robbins;Summarized
1. Dreams of Destiny
-Raise your standards
-Change ur limiting beliefs
- change your strategy
5 mastery in life;
1.Emotional mastery; virtually everything we do is to change e way we feel
2.Physical mastery; look & feel good & know tt u r in control of ur life
3. Relationship mastery; sense of contribution, knowing we have made a difference in others lives
mastering it , gives u unlimited resources for growing & contributing
4. Financial mastering; key is not e mere pursuit of wealth, but changing ur beliefs & attitudes about it so u see it as a means for contribution
5. Time mastery; repetition is e mother of skill
2. Decisions: the pathway to power
-how am i going to live e next 10 yrs of my life? how am i going to live today in order to create e tomorrow im committed to? what am i going to stand for from now on?
- different action produce different results
-if you dont set a baseline standard for what you will accept in life, u will find its easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that is far below what u deserve
-if you truly decide to, u can do almost anything
-ur life changes e moment u make a new, congruent and committed decision
-what's important is to decide u will find a way, no matter what
-making a true decision means committing to achieving a result, and then cutting urself off from any other possibility
-the way to make better decisions is to make more of them
-information is power when its acted upon
3 decisions tt control ur destiny are;
-ur decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to u and what to do to create e results u desire
subconscious mind (system)
1. ur core beliefs n unconscious rules
2. ur life values
3. ur references
4. habitual questions tt u ask urself
5. emotional states
remember: success truly is e result of good judgement . it is e result of experience, and exp is often e result of bad judgement!
-we will either find a way or make one
-nothing u cant accomplish if;
1. u clearly decide wad is it tt u r absolutely committed to achieving
2. u r willing to take massive action
3. u notice what is working or not
4. u continue to change ur approach until u achieve wad u want, using wadever life gives u along e way
-in order to succeed, u must have a long-term focus
-"niagara syndrome" - e result of short-term thinking
6 keys to harness e power of decision;
1. remember e true power of making decisions
-if there is no action, u have not truly decided
2. realize tt e hardest step in achieving anything is making a true commitment- a true decision
-never to leave e scene of a decision without 1st taking a specific action towards its realization
3. make decisions often - decision-making muscles get stronger with use
4. learn from your decisions
5. stay committed to ur decision, but stay flexible in ur approach
6. enjoy making decisions
"life is either a daring adventure or nothing"
3. The force that shapes your life
- need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure
-if we link massive pain to any behavior or emotional pattern, we will avoid indulging in it at all costs, we can use this understanding to harness e force of pain n pleasure to change virtually anything in our lives
-if we fail to direct our own associations to pain n pleasure, we r living no better than animals or machines
- what u link pain n pleasure to will shape ur destiny
-anything unique tt occurs consistently will become neurologically linked
-simply by linking pain to e behaviors we want to stop at such a high level of emotional intensity tt we wont even consider those behaviors any longer. then , simply link pleasure to e new behavior u desire for urself
4. Belief systems: The power to create and the power to destroy
-its not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events means.
-events(neutral) + reaction (own) = outcome of result
- once accepted, our beliefs become unquestioned commands to our nervous systems and they have e power to expand or destroy e possibilities of our present and future
- belief is a "feeling of certainty" about something
- with enough emotional intensity & repetition, our nervous systems exp something as real, even if it has not occurred yet
- certainty carries power!
- if u question anything enough, eventually u will begin to doubt it
Beliefs 3 categories: opinions , beliefs and convictions
-Opinions ; little reference, easy to change
-Beliefs: many references with strong emotion, absolute sense of certainty thus close off to new input
-Conviction; certain + anger if being questioned , obsession totally resist to new input
How to create a conviction?
1. Start with e basic belief
2. add new/powerful references
3. find a triggering event , or create on of ur own " what will it cost me if i dont?"
4. take action
-pain is e ultimate tool for shifting a belief
-the way to expand our lives is to model e lives of those people who are already succeeding
-the only true security in life comes from knowing that every single day u are improving urself in some way; " i dont worry about maintaining e quality of my life, because every day i work on improving it"
- nothing in life has any meaning except e meaning u give it
- leadership and e power of belief; society may predict, but only i will determine my destiny!
5. Can change happen in an instant?
- once we effect a change, we should reinforce it immediately, then we have to condition our nervous systems to succeed not just once, but consistently
creating long-term change:
1. we must believe, " something MUST change"
2. we must not only believe tt things must change but we must believe " i must change it"
3. we have to believe " i can change it"
-nothing changes until we change e sensations we link to an exp in our nervous system
-each time we exp a significant amount of pain/pleasure , our brains search for e cause and record it in our nervous systems to enable us to make better decisions about what to do in the future
-source of self-sabotage->mixed neuro-associations, example : more number of pain than pleasure
6. How to change anything in ur life: the science of neuro-associative conditioning
1. Decide what u really want and whats preventing u from having it now
2. get leverage: associate massive pain to not changing Now and massive pleasure to e exp of changing now!
3. interrupt e limiting pattern ( new results-> need new ways)
4. create a new, empowering alternative
5. condition e new pattern until its consistent
6. test it!
Law of reinforcement; responding to a behavior immediately after it occurs, while punishment and reward may occur long afterward
The ecology check ( study of consequences )
1. make certain pain is fully associated with e old pattern
2. make certain pleasure is fully associated with e new pattern
3. align with ur values, beliefs, and rules
4. make sure e benefits of e old pattern have been maintained
5. future pace- imagine urself behaving in this new way in e future
7. How to get what you really want
- ur behavior is not the result of ur ability, but of e state tt u r in at this moment
- physiology : e power of movement
emotion is created by motion -create key movements
-focus: e power of concentration
-whatever we focus on becomes our idea of reality
-"ask and you will receive, seek & you will find ; knock , and it will be opened to you"
-our ability to change e way we feel depends upon our ability to change our sub-modalities; visual/auditory/kinesthetic
-all tt u really want in life is to change how u feel
8. Questions are the answer
- successful people asked better questions, and as a result , they got better answers
-quality questions create a quality life
-" some men see things as they are, and say " why? i dream of things tt never were, and say "why not?"
How Questions work;
1. qns immediately change what we r focusing on and therefore how we feel
2. qns changes what we delete
3. qns change the resources available to us
Problem- solving qns;
1. what is great about this problem?
2. what is not perfect yet?
3. what am i willing to do to make it the way i want it?
4. what am i willing to no longer do in order to make it the way i want it?
5. how am i enjoy the process while i do what is necessary to make it the way i want it?
Morning power qns;
1. what am i happy about in my life now?
2. what am i excited about in my life now?
3. what am i proud about in my life now?
4. what am i grateful about in my life now?
5. what am i enjoying most in my life now?
6. what am i committed to in my life now?
7. who do i love? who loves me?
Evening power qns;
1. what have i given today?
2. what did i learn today?
3. how has today added to the quality of my life or how can i use today as an investment in my future?
A question of destiny;
-at some point, u have got to stop evaluating and start doing!
9. The vocabulary of ultimate success
-the words that we attach to our exp become our exp
- if we want to change our lives and shape our destiny, we need to consciously select e words we are going to use and we need to constantly strive to expand our level of choice
- its important to realize tt words shape our beliefs and impact our actions
-is it possible tt by adopting someone else's habitual vocabulary, u began to adopt their emotional patterns as well?
-if u dont have a way of representing something. u cant exp it
-the words we use as a corporate culture and as individuals have a profound effect on our exp of reality
Example of change of Old, dis-empowering word to use of New, Empowering Word;
- dont know -> i will find out
-anger -> forgive
-okay -> brilliant /fabulous/awesome/ spectacular
- confident -> unstoppable
-interesting -> captivating
-no problem -> happy to
-worried -> a little bit concerned
-words can produce illness; words can kill
-be precise in words - be aware dis-empowering words can limit experience; softening intensity break in-resourceful pattern
10. Destroy the blocks, break down the wall, let go of the rope, and dance your way to success: The power of life metaphors
- Global metaphors; it will affect ur decisions ; shape ur actions ; ur destiny
- we must take charge of our metaphors, not just to avoid e problem metaphors, but so tt we can adopt e empowering metaphors as well.
-"wall obstacle" -> to fly over the wall , breaking thru e wall
- a whole set of rules, ideas and preconceived notions accompany any metaphor you adopt
-changing one global metaphor can instantly transform e way you look at your entire life
1. what is life? write down e metaphors u have already chosen: " life is like..."
2. make a list of all e metaphors tt u link to relationships or marriage
3. pick another area of ur life tt impacts u most and discover ur metaphors for this area
4. create new , more empowering metaphors
5. finally, decide that u are going to live with these new , empowering metaphors for e next thirty days
Example; life is a game; every match is an exp to learn and improve; breaking thru personal records again and again ; facing great challenges= opportunities to break thru new heights ; winning means adding more references to self-confidence ; losing means having to ask "why" = more rooms for improvement to get closer to perfection ; " i have to be the best that i can be, i live my entire life with no regrets, i have enjoyed a game of wonderful experiences"
11. The 10 emotions of POWER
4 basic ways ppl deal with emotion.
1. Avoidance - ultimately u cant avoid feeling
2. Denial - if e message ur emotions are trying to deliver is ignored, e emotions simply increase their amperage; they intensify until u finally pay attention
3. competition - pride themselves on being worse off than anyone else
4. learning and using
- the emotions aka action signals u once thot of as negative are merely a call to action
- u r the source of all ur emotions; u r the one who creates them ; u can feel any way u choose at any moment in time
-u dont need any special reason to feel good - u can just decide to feel good right now, simple because u r alive, simply because u want to
6 steps to emotional master ; kill the monster while its little
1. identify what u r really feeling
2. acknowledge and appreciate ur emotions, knowing they support u ;cultivate e feeling of appreciation for all emotions
3. get curious about the message this emotion is offering u ; getting curious helps u master ur emotion, solve e challenge, and prevent e same problem from occurring in e future
4. get confident
5. get certain u can handle this not only today, but in the future as well
6. get excited, and take action
10 Action Signals;
1. Discomfort : boredom, impatience, unease, distress, or mild embarrassment
Solution:
1. use skills learned to change ur state;
2. clarify what do you wantl
3. refine your actions
2. Fear : low- concern n apprehension
high- intense worry, anxiety , fright and even terror
Fear is simply the anticipation that something thats going to happen soon needs to be prepared for
Solution: review what u were feeling fearful about and evaluate what you must do to prepare urself mentally. figure out what actions you need to take to deal with e situation in e best possible way
Antidote for fear: u must make a decision to have faith
3. Hurt : Feelings of hurt are usually generated by a sense of loss - we have an expectation that has not been met
Solution:
1. realize tt in reality u may not have lost anything. maybe what u need to lose is e false perception
2. ask urself, " is there really loss here? or am i judging this situation too soon, or too harshly?"
3. elegantly and appropriately communicating ur feeling of loss to e person involved
4. Anger- important rule/standard tt i hold for my life has been violated by someone else, or maybe even by you
Solution:
1. treat them like they dont know whats most important to u
2. make urself realise tt ur rules are not necessarily the "right" rules
3. ask urself a more empowering questions
-change ur perception/procedure/behavior
5. Frustration - exciting signal ; means ur brain believes u could be doing better than u currently are = signal to be more flexible!
Solutions:
1. Brainstorms new ways to get result
2. find role model
3. get fascinated by what u learn tt could help u handle this challenge not only today, but in the future, in a way tt consumes very little time/energy and actually creates joy
6. Disappointment - feeling of being " let down"
Solutions:
1. Immediately figure out something u can learn from this situation tt could help u in the future to achieve the very thing u were after in the 1st place
2. set new goal tt can immediate progress forward
3. realise tt u may be judging too soon
4. realise tt a situation isnt over yet, and develop more patience
completely reevaluate what u truly want and begin to develop an even more effective plan for achieving it
5. cultivating an attitude of positive expectancy about what will happen in the future, regardless of what has occurred in the past
7. Guilt - violated one of ur own highest standards
Solutions:
1. acknowledge
2. absolutely commit urself to ensure it wont happen again
8. Inadequacy - tells u , u need more info, understanding strategies , tools or confidence
Solutions:
1. " is this really an appropriate emotion for me to feel in this situation? am i really inadequate, or do i have to change the way im perceiving things?"
2. appreciate e encouragement to improve
3. find a rolemodel , get some coaching from them
9. overload or overwhelm - deal with too many things at once
Solutions:
1. what in life to focus on
2. prioritize and write down whats most important for u to accomplish
3. tackle e 1st thing on ur list, and continue to take action until u have mastered it
4. focus on what u can control and dealing with it a step at a time
10. Loneliness - need connection with people
Solutions:
1. realise tt u can reach out and make a connection immediately and end the loneliness. there are caring ppl everywhere
2. identify what kind of connection u do need
3. remind urself " i really care about people and i love to be with them
i need to find out what kind of connection i need with somebody right now and then take an action immediately to make tt happen
4. then take immediate action to reach our and connect with someone
10 emotions of power
1. love and warmth
2. appreciation and gratitude
3. curiosity - if u want to cure boredom, be curious, if u r curious , nothing is a chore
4. excitement and passion - passion is unbridled power to move our lives forward at a faster tempo than ever before
5. determination - struck with the lightning power of commitment
6. flexibility
7. confidence
8. cheerfulness
9. vitality
10. contribution
- every feeling tt u have - good or bad - is based on ur interpretation of what things mean
12. The magnificent obsession - creating a compelling future " nothing happens unless first a dream"
-We all must discover or create a magnificent obsession
- all goal setting must be immediately followed by both the development of a plan, massive n consistent action toward its fulfillment
-its not just getting a goal tt matters, but e quality of life u exp along e way
-e direction we r heading is more important than individual results
Power of e reticular activating system (RAS)
-Shift in mental posture aligns u more precisely with ur goals, once u decide tt something is a priority, u give it tremendous emotional intensity, and by continually focusing on it, any resource tt supports its attainment will eventually be clear
- trust ur RAS will point out what u need to know along e way
- a compelling future is the food on which our souls thrive
13. The 10 day mental challenge
- for the next 10 days, begin immediately commit to taking full control of all ur mental and emotional faculties by deciding right now tt you will not indulge in or dwell on any unresourceful thought/emotions for 10 consecutive days
- u will be demanding empowering emotions, enriching thoughts, inspiring questions
-spend more time on solutions instead of problems
15. Life values: your personal compass
Moving-toward values; sorting from most important ones to least important -freedom,success,adventure,health,passion,comfort,security,intimacy,love,power
-how u prioritize ur values shall affect your direction in life
-be more concerned with ur charecter than ur reputation, because ur character is what you really are, while ur reputation is merely what others think you are
16. Rules: If you 're not happy, here's why!
-The truth is tt nothing has to happen in order for u to feel good
-as long as we structure our lives in a way where our happiness is dependent upon something we cannot control, then we will experience pain
-whether or not u feel like u r achieving ur values is totally dependent upon ur rules
- most of us have created numerous ways to feel bad and only a few ways to truly feel good
-Raise your standards
-Change ur limiting beliefs
- change your strategy
5 mastery in life;
1.Emotional mastery; virtually everything we do is to change e way we feel
2.Physical mastery; look & feel good & know tt u r in control of ur life
3. Relationship mastery; sense of contribution, knowing we have made a difference in others lives
mastering it , gives u unlimited resources for growing & contributing
4. Financial mastering; key is not e mere pursuit of wealth, but changing ur beliefs & attitudes about it so u see it as a means for contribution
5. Time mastery; repetition is e mother of skill
2. Decisions: the pathway to power
-how am i going to live e next 10 yrs of my life? how am i going to live today in order to create e tomorrow im committed to? what am i going to stand for from now on?
- different action produce different results
-if you dont set a baseline standard for what you will accept in life, u will find its easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that is far below what u deserve
-if you truly decide to, u can do almost anything
-ur life changes e moment u make a new, congruent and committed decision
-what's important is to decide u will find a way, no matter what
-making a true decision means committing to achieving a result, and then cutting urself off from any other possibility
-the way to make better decisions is to make more of them
-information is power when its acted upon
3 decisions tt control ur destiny are;
-ur decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to u and what to do to create e results u desire
subconscious mind (system)
1. ur core beliefs n unconscious rules
2. ur life values
3. ur references
4. habitual questions tt u ask urself
5. emotional states
remember: success truly is e result of good judgement . it is e result of experience, and exp is often e result of bad judgement!
-we will either find a way or make one
-nothing u cant accomplish if;
1. u clearly decide wad is it tt u r absolutely committed to achieving
2. u r willing to take massive action
3. u notice what is working or not
4. u continue to change ur approach until u achieve wad u want, using wadever life gives u along e way
-in order to succeed, u must have a long-term focus
-"niagara syndrome" - e result of short-term thinking
6 keys to harness e power of decision;
1. remember e true power of making decisions
-if there is no action, u have not truly decided
2. realize tt e hardest step in achieving anything is making a true commitment- a true decision
-never to leave e scene of a decision without 1st taking a specific action towards its realization
3. make decisions often - decision-making muscles get stronger with use
4. learn from your decisions
5. stay committed to ur decision, but stay flexible in ur approach
6. enjoy making decisions
"life is either a daring adventure or nothing"
3. The force that shapes your life
- need to avoid pain or our desire to gain pleasure
-if we link massive pain to any behavior or emotional pattern, we will avoid indulging in it at all costs, we can use this understanding to harness e force of pain n pleasure to change virtually anything in our lives
-if we fail to direct our own associations to pain n pleasure, we r living no better than animals or machines
- what u link pain n pleasure to will shape ur destiny
-anything unique tt occurs consistently will become neurologically linked
-simply by linking pain to e behaviors we want to stop at such a high level of emotional intensity tt we wont even consider those behaviors any longer. then , simply link pleasure to e new behavior u desire for urself
4. Belief systems: The power to create and the power to destroy
-its not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events means.
-events(neutral) + reaction (own) = outcome of result
- once accepted, our beliefs become unquestioned commands to our nervous systems and they have e power to expand or destroy e possibilities of our present and future
- belief is a "feeling of certainty" about something
- with enough emotional intensity & repetition, our nervous systems exp something as real, even if it has not occurred yet
- certainty carries power!
- if u question anything enough, eventually u will begin to doubt it
Beliefs 3 categories: opinions , beliefs and convictions
-Opinions ; little reference, easy to change
-Beliefs: many references with strong emotion, absolute sense of certainty thus close off to new input
-Conviction; certain + anger if being questioned , obsession totally resist to new input
How to create a conviction?
1. Start with e basic belief
2. add new/powerful references
3. find a triggering event , or create on of ur own " what will it cost me if i dont?"
4. take action
-pain is e ultimate tool for shifting a belief
-the way to expand our lives is to model e lives of those people who are already succeeding
-the only true security in life comes from knowing that every single day u are improving urself in some way; " i dont worry about maintaining e quality of my life, because every day i work on improving it"
- nothing in life has any meaning except e meaning u give it
- leadership and e power of belief; society may predict, but only i will determine my destiny!
5. Can change happen in an instant?
- once we effect a change, we should reinforce it immediately, then we have to condition our nervous systems to succeed not just once, but consistently
creating long-term change:
1. we must believe, " something MUST change"
2. we must not only believe tt things must change but we must believe " i must change it"
3. we have to believe " i can change it"
-nothing changes until we change e sensations we link to an exp in our nervous system
-each time we exp a significant amount of pain/pleasure , our brains search for e cause and record it in our nervous systems to enable us to make better decisions about what to do in the future
-source of self-sabotage->mixed neuro-associations, example : more number of pain than pleasure
6. How to change anything in ur life: the science of neuro-associative conditioning
1. Decide what u really want and whats preventing u from having it now
2. get leverage: associate massive pain to not changing Now and massive pleasure to e exp of changing now!
3. interrupt e limiting pattern ( new results-> need new ways)
4. create a new, empowering alternative
5. condition e new pattern until its consistent
6. test it!
Law of reinforcement; responding to a behavior immediately after it occurs, while punishment and reward may occur long afterward
The ecology check ( study of consequences )
1. make certain pain is fully associated with e old pattern
2. make certain pleasure is fully associated with e new pattern
3. align with ur values, beliefs, and rules
4. make sure e benefits of e old pattern have been maintained
5. future pace- imagine urself behaving in this new way in e future
7. How to get what you really want
- ur behavior is not the result of ur ability, but of e state tt u r in at this moment
- physiology : e power of movement
emotion is created by motion -create key movements
-focus: e power of concentration
-whatever we focus on becomes our idea of reality
-"ask and you will receive, seek & you will find ; knock , and it will be opened to you"
-our ability to change e way we feel depends upon our ability to change our sub-modalities; visual/auditory/kinesthetic
-all tt u really want in life is to change how u feel
8. Questions are the answer
- successful people asked better questions, and as a result , they got better answers
-quality questions create a quality life
-" some men see things as they are, and say " why? i dream of things tt never were, and say "why not?"
How Questions work;
1. qns immediately change what we r focusing on and therefore how we feel
2. qns changes what we delete
3. qns change the resources available to us
Problem- solving qns;
1. what is great about this problem?
2. what is not perfect yet?
3. what am i willing to do to make it the way i want it?
4. what am i willing to no longer do in order to make it the way i want it?
5. how am i enjoy the process while i do what is necessary to make it the way i want it?
Morning power qns;
1. what am i happy about in my life now?
2. what am i excited about in my life now?
3. what am i proud about in my life now?
4. what am i grateful about in my life now?
5. what am i enjoying most in my life now?
6. what am i committed to in my life now?
7. who do i love? who loves me?
Evening power qns;
1. what have i given today?
2. what did i learn today?
3. how has today added to the quality of my life or how can i use today as an investment in my future?
A question of destiny;
-at some point, u have got to stop evaluating and start doing!
9. The vocabulary of ultimate success
-the words that we attach to our exp become our exp
- if we want to change our lives and shape our destiny, we need to consciously select e words we are going to use and we need to constantly strive to expand our level of choice
- its important to realize tt words shape our beliefs and impact our actions
-is it possible tt by adopting someone else's habitual vocabulary, u began to adopt their emotional patterns as well?
-if u dont have a way of representing something. u cant exp it
-the words we use as a corporate culture and as individuals have a profound effect on our exp of reality
Example of change of Old, dis-empowering word to use of New, Empowering Word;
- dont know -> i will find out
-anger -> forgive
-okay -> brilliant /fabulous/awesome/ spectacular
- confident -> unstoppable
-interesting -> captivating
-no problem -> happy to
-worried -> a little bit concerned
-words can produce illness; words can kill
-be precise in words - be aware dis-empowering words can limit experience; softening intensity break in-resourceful pattern
10. Destroy the blocks, break down the wall, let go of the rope, and dance your way to success: The power of life metaphors
- Global metaphors; it will affect ur decisions ; shape ur actions ; ur destiny
- we must take charge of our metaphors, not just to avoid e problem metaphors, but so tt we can adopt e empowering metaphors as well.
-"wall obstacle" -> to fly over the wall , breaking thru e wall
- a whole set of rules, ideas and preconceived notions accompany any metaphor you adopt
-changing one global metaphor can instantly transform e way you look at your entire life
1. what is life? write down e metaphors u have already chosen: " life is like..."
2. make a list of all e metaphors tt u link to relationships or marriage
3. pick another area of ur life tt impacts u most and discover ur metaphors for this area
4. create new , more empowering metaphors
5. finally, decide that u are going to live with these new , empowering metaphors for e next thirty days
Example; life is a game; every match is an exp to learn and improve; breaking thru personal records again and again ; facing great challenges= opportunities to break thru new heights ; winning means adding more references to self-confidence ; losing means having to ask "why" = more rooms for improvement to get closer to perfection ; " i have to be the best that i can be, i live my entire life with no regrets, i have enjoyed a game of wonderful experiences"
11. The 10 emotions of POWER
4 basic ways ppl deal with emotion.
1. Avoidance - ultimately u cant avoid feeling
2. Denial - if e message ur emotions are trying to deliver is ignored, e emotions simply increase their amperage; they intensify until u finally pay attention
3. competition - pride themselves on being worse off than anyone else
4. learning and using
- the emotions aka action signals u once thot of as negative are merely a call to action
- u r the source of all ur emotions; u r the one who creates them ; u can feel any way u choose at any moment in time
-u dont need any special reason to feel good - u can just decide to feel good right now, simple because u r alive, simply because u want to
6 steps to emotional master ; kill the monster while its little
1. identify what u r really feeling
2. acknowledge and appreciate ur emotions, knowing they support u ;cultivate e feeling of appreciation for all emotions
3. get curious about the message this emotion is offering u ; getting curious helps u master ur emotion, solve e challenge, and prevent e same problem from occurring in e future
4. get confident
5. get certain u can handle this not only today, but in the future as well
6. get excited, and take action
10 Action Signals;
1. Discomfort : boredom, impatience, unease, distress, or mild embarrassment
Solution:
1. use skills learned to change ur state;
2. clarify what do you wantl
3. refine your actions
2. Fear : low- concern n apprehension
high- intense worry, anxiety , fright and even terror
Fear is simply the anticipation that something thats going to happen soon needs to be prepared for
Solution: review what u were feeling fearful about and evaluate what you must do to prepare urself mentally. figure out what actions you need to take to deal with e situation in e best possible way
Antidote for fear: u must make a decision to have faith
3. Hurt : Feelings of hurt are usually generated by a sense of loss - we have an expectation that has not been met
Solution:
1. realize tt in reality u may not have lost anything. maybe what u need to lose is e false perception
2. ask urself, " is there really loss here? or am i judging this situation too soon, or too harshly?"
3. elegantly and appropriately communicating ur feeling of loss to e person involved
4. Anger- important rule/standard tt i hold for my life has been violated by someone else, or maybe even by you
Solution:
1. treat them like they dont know whats most important to u
2. make urself realise tt ur rules are not necessarily the "right" rules
3. ask urself a more empowering questions
-change ur perception/procedure/behavior
5. Frustration - exciting signal ; means ur brain believes u could be doing better than u currently are = signal to be more flexible!
Solutions:
1. Brainstorms new ways to get result
2. find role model
3. get fascinated by what u learn tt could help u handle this challenge not only today, but in the future, in a way tt consumes very little time/energy and actually creates joy
6. Disappointment - feeling of being " let down"
Solutions:
1. Immediately figure out something u can learn from this situation tt could help u in the future to achieve the very thing u were after in the 1st place
2. set new goal tt can immediate progress forward
3. realise tt u may be judging too soon
4. realise tt a situation isnt over yet, and develop more patience
completely reevaluate what u truly want and begin to develop an even more effective plan for achieving it
5. cultivating an attitude of positive expectancy about what will happen in the future, regardless of what has occurred in the past
7. Guilt - violated one of ur own highest standards
Solutions:
1. acknowledge
2. absolutely commit urself to ensure it wont happen again
8. Inadequacy - tells u , u need more info, understanding strategies , tools or confidence
Solutions:
1. " is this really an appropriate emotion for me to feel in this situation? am i really inadequate, or do i have to change the way im perceiving things?"
2. appreciate e encouragement to improve
3. find a rolemodel , get some coaching from them
9. overload or overwhelm - deal with too many things at once
Solutions:
1. what in life to focus on
2. prioritize and write down whats most important for u to accomplish
3. tackle e 1st thing on ur list, and continue to take action until u have mastered it
4. focus on what u can control and dealing with it a step at a time
10. Loneliness - need connection with people
Solutions:
1. realise tt u can reach out and make a connection immediately and end the loneliness. there are caring ppl everywhere
2. identify what kind of connection u do need
3. remind urself " i really care about people and i love to be with them
i need to find out what kind of connection i need with somebody right now and then take an action immediately to make tt happen
4. then take immediate action to reach our and connect with someone
10 emotions of power
1. love and warmth
2. appreciation and gratitude
3. curiosity - if u want to cure boredom, be curious, if u r curious , nothing is a chore
4. excitement and passion - passion is unbridled power to move our lives forward at a faster tempo than ever before
5. determination - struck with the lightning power of commitment
6. flexibility
7. confidence
8. cheerfulness
9. vitality
10. contribution
- every feeling tt u have - good or bad - is based on ur interpretation of what things mean
12. The magnificent obsession - creating a compelling future " nothing happens unless first a dream"
-We all must discover or create a magnificent obsession
- all goal setting must be immediately followed by both the development of a plan, massive n consistent action toward its fulfillment
-its not just getting a goal tt matters, but e quality of life u exp along e way
-e direction we r heading is more important than individual results
Power of e reticular activating system (RAS)
-Shift in mental posture aligns u more precisely with ur goals, once u decide tt something is a priority, u give it tremendous emotional intensity, and by continually focusing on it, any resource tt supports its attainment will eventually be clear
- trust ur RAS will point out what u need to know along e way
- a compelling future is the food on which our souls thrive
13. The 10 day mental challenge
- for the next 10 days, begin immediately commit to taking full control of all ur mental and emotional faculties by deciding right now tt you will not indulge in or dwell on any unresourceful thought/emotions for 10 consecutive days
- u will be demanding empowering emotions, enriching thoughts, inspiring questions
-spend more time on solutions instead of problems
15. Life values: your personal compass
Moving-toward values; sorting from most important ones to least important -freedom,success,adventure,health,passion,comfort,security,intimacy,love,power
-how u prioritize ur values shall affect your direction in life
-be more concerned with ur charecter than ur reputation, because ur character is what you really are, while ur reputation is merely what others think you are
16. Rules: If you 're not happy, here's why!
-The truth is tt nothing has to happen in order for u to feel good
-as long as we structure our lives in a way where our happiness is dependent upon something we cannot control, then we will experience pain
-whether or not u feel like u r achieving ur values is totally dependent upon ur rules
- most of us have created numerous ways to feel bad and only a few ways to truly feel good
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Rich Dad Poor Dad-By Robert Kiyosaki; Summarized
Chp1 - Rich Dad, Poor Dad
-When we dont have plan, we will always fall into someone else plan
-Rich ppl dun get rich just becos of their educations
-old thinking of "getting gd grades, go to gd college, to secure a gd job" have been pass down for many generations. 95% are "programmed" this way, the safe way.
-children lose interest/sight, cant see e reasons why e importance of getting gd grade/gd job. Generally they are force to follow what e rest is doing, w/o any real focus in life but just short-term goal of getting results for exam becos they are not born self-motivated, only few would want to do so to gain attention/recognition from ppl around them.
-who you choose to follow/learn will lead to a diff destiny
-money is power where e rich "control" e poor
Chp2 - The rich dont work for money
- find ways on how to make money/ make $ work for us.
-haste make worse, grow your "roots" deep enough 1st.
-learn life's lessons, if not life will just push you around, some get angry & push back instead
- " the poor & middle class work for money" " the rich have $ work for them"
-biggest trap -> rat race.
-let no amount of $ tempt u. becos tt should never be ur focus or maybe last.
-fear, greed/desire
-master e power of $
-handling of fear & ignorance -> main cause of poverty/ financial struggle
-learn to use ur emotions to think, not think with ur emotions.
Chp3 - why teach financial literacy?
- intelligence solves problems & produces money. money w/o financial intelligence is $ soon gone.
-asset's cash flow pattern diff among poor/young vs middle class vs wealthy
-1st buy assets tt will generate e cash flow to pay for e house.
-rich get richer, why mid class struggle, doing what masses do; work for owner/govt/bank
-increase cash flow, b4 increase expenses to maintain wealth.
-increase income generated from assets each mth tt fully cover monthly expenses.
Chp4 - mind ur own business
-macdonald-> ray kroc's advice: his real profession-real estate investment
-assets- 1. business tt do not require ur presence
2.stocks
3.bonds
4.mutual funds
5. income-generating real estate
6. notes (IOUs)
7. royalties from intellectual property such as music, scripts, patents
8. and anything else tt has value, produces income or appreciates and has a ready market.
Chp5 - History of taxes & e power of corporations
-robin hood ideal: taking from rich to give to e poor
- rich are not taxed, upper-income middle class pays for poor
-how e rich play the game; invest commissions in assets-> assets pay for luxuries
-rich always found a way to outsmart them, they understood e power of money
-rich dont simply comply, they react ( search for ways to min their tax burden)
(hire smart attorneys & accountants, persuade politicians to change laws or create legal loopholes)
-The rich with corporations - earn>spend>pay taxes
- people who work for corporations -earn>pay taxes>spend
-Financial IQ;
1. accounting - financial literacy - identify e str & weaknesses of any business
2. investing - science of money making money - strategies & formulas
3. understanding markets - science of supply & demand - technical, fundamental/economic sense
4. law - protection provided by corporation , wrapped around e technical skills of accounting,
investing & markets aid explosive growth for long-term wealth.
1. Tax advantages - pay for expenses b4 it pays taxes ( corporation )
2. protection from lawsuits - rich control everything, but own nothing - corporations & trusts to protect their assets from creditors.
Chp6 - the rich invent money
- financial genius = techinical knowledge + courage
- seizing opportunities created by e market, somebody was buying, and someone was selling
- plant seeds inside asset column, start small...
- great opportunities are not seen with ur eyes, they are seen with ur mind.
- investing is not buying, its more a case of knowing
- learn to mange risk instead of avoid it, becos there is always risk
Chp7 - work to learn - dont work for money
-make more money/ get promoted, u need to "specialize"
-learning > job security
- leadership is managing people. " if you're not a good leader, you'll get shot in the back"
-" job is an acronym for "just over broke", most workers " live within their means" they work and they pay e bills.
- "workers work hard enough to not be fired, and owners pay just enough so that workers wont quit"
- people used to keep themselves busy working away to pay bills
-importance of business systems
- " give and u shall receive"
-main management skills needed;
1. e management of cash flow
2. e management of systems ( including self & time with family)
3. e management of people
Chp 8 - overcoming obstacles
1.fear :" winning means being unafraid to lose" - " failure inspires winning"
2. overcoming cynicism : (think too much aka "what if" - selfishness)
-"doubts often get so loud tt we fail to act"
-cynics criticize and blind, winners analyze and opened eyes
-finding what people miss is key to any success
-choose not to lose, the mind is closed
-dun let small things/obstacles stop you from achieving big things
3. laziness : - avoiding something important by staying busy
-cure for laziness = a little greed
- use "how" not "cant"
4. habits : -controlling behaviour
- most ppl give into these bullies/pressure, they pay them and never pay themselves, they get weaker.
5. arrogance - when im arrogant, what i dont know is not important
- what i dont know loses me money
- many ppl use arrogance to hide their own ignorance
Chp 9 - getting started
1. i need a reason greater than reality
- " dont wants" creates/drive "wants"
-e power of spirit. if u ask most ppl if they like to be rich/ financially free, they would say "yes". but then reality sets in. the road seems too long with too many hills to climb. its easier to just work for money & hand e excess over to your broker.
2. i choose daily: the power of choice. tt is the main reason ppl want to live in a free country. we want e power to choose. " time+learn->asset" where excuses rob away "learn"
-invest 1st in education
3. choose friends carefully: e power of association. 1st of all, i do not choose my friends by their financial statements. i have friends who have actually taken e vow of poverty as well as friends who earn millions every year. e point is i learn from all of them, and i consciously make e effort to learn from them.
-"dont listen to poor/frightened people","the sky is always falling"
-"keep ur mind open to both sides of ideas" eg. of experts advice on economic crisis
-" ppl who hurry & catch a wave late usually are e ones who wipe out" eg. bubble tea business
4. master a formula & then learn a new one; power of learning quickly
-" you become what you study"
-" often what you know is old. it is how fast you learn"
5. pay urself 1st: power of self-discipline. lack of it causes most lottery winners to go broke soon.
-skills: manangement of cash flow, ppl, personal time.
- " those who pays everyone else 1st-often have nothing left.
6. pay ur brokers well : power of good advice.
7. be an " indian giver" : power of getting something for nothing.
8: assets buy luxuries: power of focus
9. the need for heroes: power of myth
-" modelling successful ppl/ experts in tt area"
-" if they can do it , so can i "
10. teach & you shall receive : the power of giving
Chp 10 - take action! mind+time= power to determine ur destiny
- here are some to Do's;
- take a break & assess what is working and what is not.
-look for new ideas.
-take action -> find someone who has done what you want to do
-> take classes
-> make lots of offers/ finding a gd deal, right business, right ppl , right investors
-> look in the right places/ targeting right client
-> look for ppl who want to buy 1st, then look for someone who wants to sell.
-When we dont have plan, we will always fall into someone else plan
-Rich ppl dun get rich just becos of their educations
-old thinking of "getting gd grades, go to gd college, to secure a gd job" have been pass down for many generations. 95% are "programmed" this way, the safe way.
-children lose interest/sight, cant see e reasons why e importance of getting gd grade/gd job. Generally they are force to follow what e rest is doing, w/o any real focus in life but just short-term goal of getting results for exam becos they are not born self-motivated, only few would want to do so to gain attention/recognition from ppl around them.
-who you choose to follow/learn will lead to a diff destiny
-money is power where e rich "control" e poor
Chp2 - The rich dont work for money
- find ways on how to make money/ make $ work for us.
-haste make worse, grow your "roots" deep enough 1st.
-learn life's lessons, if not life will just push you around, some get angry & push back instead
- " the poor & middle class work for money" " the rich have $ work for them"
-biggest trap -> rat race.
-let no amount of $ tempt u. becos tt should never be ur focus or maybe last.
-fear, greed/desire
-master e power of $
-handling of fear & ignorance -> main cause of poverty/ financial struggle
-learn to use ur emotions to think, not think with ur emotions.
Chp3 - why teach financial literacy?
- intelligence solves problems & produces money. money w/o financial intelligence is $ soon gone.
-asset's cash flow pattern diff among poor/young vs middle class vs wealthy
-1st buy assets tt will generate e cash flow to pay for e house.
-rich get richer, why mid class struggle, doing what masses do; work for owner/govt/bank
-increase cash flow, b4 increase expenses to maintain wealth.
-increase income generated from assets each mth tt fully cover monthly expenses.
Chp4 - mind ur own business
-macdonald-> ray kroc's advice: his real profession-real estate investment
-assets- 1. business tt do not require ur presence
2.stocks
3.bonds
4.mutual funds
5. income-generating real estate
6. notes (IOUs)
7. royalties from intellectual property such as music, scripts, patents
8. and anything else tt has value, produces income or appreciates and has a ready market.
Chp5 - History of taxes & e power of corporations
-robin hood ideal: taking from rich to give to e poor
- rich are not taxed, upper-income middle class pays for poor
-how e rich play the game; invest commissions in assets-> assets pay for luxuries
-rich always found a way to outsmart them, they understood e power of money
-rich dont simply comply, they react ( search for ways to min their tax burden)
(hire smart attorneys & accountants, persuade politicians to change laws or create legal loopholes)
-The rich with corporations - earn>spend>pay taxes
- people who work for corporations -earn>pay taxes>spend
-Financial IQ;
1. accounting - financial literacy - identify e str & weaknesses of any business
2. investing - science of money making money - strategies & formulas
3. understanding markets - science of supply & demand - technical, fundamental/economic sense
4. law - protection provided by corporation , wrapped around e technical skills of accounting,
investing & markets aid explosive growth for long-term wealth.
1. Tax advantages - pay for expenses b4 it pays taxes ( corporation )
2. protection from lawsuits - rich control everything, but own nothing - corporations & trusts to protect their assets from creditors.
Chp6 - the rich invent money
- financial genius = techinical knowledge + courage
- seizing opportunities created by e market, somebody was buying, and someone was selling
- plant seeds inside asset column, start small...
- great opportunities are not seen with ur eyes, they are seen with ur mind.
- investing is not buying, its more a case of knowing
- learn to mange risk instead of avoid it, becos there is always risk
Chp7 - work to learn - dont work for money
-make more money/ get promoted, u need to "specialize"
-learning > job security
- leadership is managing people. " if you're not a good leader, you'll get shot in the back"
-" job is an acronym for "just over broke", most workers " live within their means" they work and they pay e bills.
- "workers work hard enough to not be fired, and owners pay just enough so that workers wont quit"
- people used to keep themselves busy working away to pay bills
-importance of business systems
- " give and u shall receive"
-main management skills needed;
1. e management of cash flow
2. e management of systems ( including self & time with family)
3. e management of people
Chp 8 - overcoming obstacles
1.fear :" winning means being unafraid to lose" - " failure inspires winning"
2. overcoming cynicism : (think too much aka "what if" - selfishness)
-"doubts often get so loud tt we fail to act"
-cynics criticize and blind, winners analyze and opened eyes
-finding what people miss is key to any success
-choose not to lose, the mind is closed
-dun let small things/obstacles stop you from achieving big things
3. laziness : - avoiding something important by staying busy
-cure for laziness = a little greed
- use "how" not "cant"
4. habits : -controlling behaviour
- most ppl give into these bullies/pressure, they pay them and never pay themselves, they get weaker.
5. arrogance - when im arrogant, what i dont know is not important
- what i dont know loses me money
- many ppl use arrogance to hide their own ignorance
Chp 9 - getting started
1. i need a reason greater than reality
- " dont wants" creates/drive "wants"
-e power of spirit. if u ask most ppl if they like to be rich/ financially free, they would say "yes". but then reality sets in. the road seems too long with too many hills to climb. its easier to just work for money & hand e excess over to your broker.
2. i choose daily: the power of choice. tt is the main reason ppl want to live in a free country. we want e power to choose. " time+learn->asset" where excuses rob away "learn"
-invest 1st in education
3. choose friends carefully: e power of association. 1st of all, i do not choose my friends by their financial statements. i have friends who have actually taken e vow of poverty as well as friends who earn millions every year. e point is i learn from all of them, and i consciously make e effort to learn from them.
-"dont listen to poor/frightened people","the sky is always falling"
-"keep ur mind open to both sides of ideas" eg. of experts advice on economic crisis
-" ppl who hurry & catch a wave late usually are e ones who wipe out" eg. bubble tea business
4. master a formula & then learn a new one; power of learning quickly
-" you become what you study"
-" often what you know is old. it is how fast you learn"
5. pay urself 1st: power of self-discipline. lack of it causes most lottery winners to go broke soon.
-skills: manangement of cash flow, ppl, personal time.
- " those who pays everyone else 1st-often have nothing left.
6. pay ur brokers well : power of good advice.
7. be an " indian giver" : power of getting something for nothing.
8: assets buy luxuries: power of focus
9. the need for heroes: power of myth
-" modelling successful ppl/ experts in tt area"
-" if they can do it , so can i "
10. teach & you shall receive : the power of giving
Chp 10 - take action! mind+time= power to determine ur destiny
- here are some to Do's;
- take a break & assess what is working and what is not.
-look for new ideas.
-take action -> find someone who has done what you want to do
-> take classes
-> make lots of offers/ finding a gd deal, right business, right ppl , right investors
-> look in the right places/ targeting right client
-> look for ppl who want to buy 1st, then look for someone who wants to sell.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Men are from mars, Women are from Venus-By John Gray; Summarized
Chp1 - Men are from mars, Women are from Venus
-We mistakenly assume tt if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways - the ways we react and behave when we love someone.
-When men and women are able to respect & accept their diff, then love has a chance to blossom.
Notes: - taking additional effort for granted, thus lack of appreciation on both sides.
-for inexperience couples, they are unaware of their diff, thus fail to respect each others diff, eventually leading to fights/argument
Chp2 - Mr. Fix-It & the Home-Improvement Committee
- A man's sense of self is defined thru his ability to achieve results.
-To offer man unsolicited advice is to presume tt he doesnt know what to do or tt he cant do it on his own.
-A woman's sense of self is defined thru her feelings & e quality of her relationships.
-Generally speaking, when a woman offers unsolicited advice or tries to "help" a man, she has no idea of how critical & unloving she may sound to him.
-Many times a woman just wants to share her feelings abt her day, and her husband, thinking he is helping, interrupts her by offering a steady flow of solutions to her problems.
2 common mistakes;
1. A man tries to change a woman's feelings when she is upset by becoming Mr.Fix-It & offering solutions to her problems tt invalidate her feelings.
2. A woman tries to change a man's behavior when he makes mistakes by becoming e home-improvement committee & offering unsolicited advice or criticism.
-When our partner resists us it is probably because we have made a mistake in our timing or approach.
-A man wants to make improvements when he feels he is being approached as e solution to a problem rather than as e problem itself.
Notes: - misunderstanding caused by offering uneffective solutions to each other.
-mistakes in our timing or approach
-wrong timing to offer man unsolicited advice when he want to solve e problem on his own
-wrong approach to provide solutions to a woman when she just needs a listening ear.
-problems caused by not understanding e opposite sex.
Chp3 - Men go to their caves and women talk
-To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone.
-To feel better Venusians get together and openly talk abt their problems.
-A woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself & being understood.
-To forget her own painful feelings a woman may become emotionally involved in e problems of others.
-Just as a man is fulfilled thru working out e intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled thru talking about e details of her problems.
Notes: - men prefer to be alone to think/solve problems
-women prefer to share their feelings & talk about their problems to feel relief/ in order to forget about it.
Chp4 - How to Motivate e opposite Sex
-Men are motivated & empowered when they feel needed, women are motivated & empowered when they feel cherished.
-Given e opportunity to prove his potential, a man expresses his best self. Only when he feels he cannot succeed does he regress back to his old selfish ways.
-Not to be needed is a slow death for a man.
-A woman's tendency to be compulsive relaxes as she remembers tt she is worthy of love- she doesnt have to earn it; she can relax, give less, and recieve more. She deserves it.
-When she wakes up & remembers her needs, he also wakes up & wants to give her more.
-A man's deepest fear is tt he is not good enough or tt he is incompetent.
-Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.
-It is difficult for a man to listen to a woman when she is unhappy or disappointed because he feels like a failure.
Notes: -men should cherish woman
-women should allow man e opportunity to prove himself and show they need their men.
-important to support each other when one is feeling low instead of proving/ comparing/ disagree
Chp5 - Speaking Diff Languages
-The Martian & Venusian languages had e sames words, but e way they were used gave diff meanings.
-To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license to use various superlatives, metaphors and generalizations.
-The number one complaint women have in relationships is "I don't feel heard." Even this complaint is misunderstood by men!
-The biggest challenge for women is correctly interpret & support a man when he isnt talking.
-When a man is silent it is easy for a woman to imagine e worst.
-Never go into a man's cave or you will be burned by the dragon!
-It is very difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied.
-A woman should not be judged for needing this reassurance, ( 4 magic word: I will be back) just as a man should not be judged for needing to withdraw.
Notes: - same words/ diff meaning
-men: silence, hates to be pitied, need to withdraw to his cave
-women : imagine e worst, feel unheard by men, need to talk , uses various indirect phrases tt most men misinterpret. need reassurance tt should not be judged.
-men need to say e 4 magic word: i will be back.
Chp6 - Men are like Rubber Bands
-When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer.
-A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy.
-To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner.
-The man grows to understand his own cycles and reassures her when he pulls away tt he will be back.
Notes: -need to pull away b4 he can get closer
-else, to a certain extent, loses himself
- grows to understand his own cycles & reassures her when he pulls away tt he will be back.
-need freedom/space (cave time)
Chp7 - Women are like Waves
-A woman's self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When she hits bottom, it is a time for emotional housecleaning
-In relationships, men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.
-Even when a man is succeeding in supporting a woman she may become even more upset.
-When negative feelings are suppressed, positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies.
-Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding.
-Warning signs for Men tt she may be going into her well or when she needs his love the most.
She feels She may say
Overwhelmed - there is so much to do
Insecure - i need more
Resentful - i do everything
Worried - but what about...
Confused - i dont understand why...
Exhausted - i cant do anything more
Hopeless - i dont know what to do
Passive - i dont care, do what you want
Demanding - you should...
Withholding - no, i dont want to...
Mistrustful - what do you mean by that?
Controlling - well, did you...?
Disapproving - how could you forget...?
-By supporting her need to be heard, she could support his need to be free.
-It puts too much pressure on a man to make him e only source of love and support.
-As a woman's financial needs are fulfilled she becomes more aware of her emotional needs.
-3 steps for supporting her when he needs to pull away.
1. accept your limitations
2. understand her pain
3. avoid arguing and give reassurance
Notes: - need to do emotional housecleaning
-fall in their ability to love themselves & others
-must not suppress negative feelings ( need to share), else positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies
- need e right to be upset and want understanding
-gives warning signs tt she may be going into her well or when she needs his love e most.
-as a woman's financial needs are fulfilled she becomes more aware of her emotional needs.
Chp8 - Discovering our diff Emotional Needs
The primary love needs of women & men.
Women need to receive Men need to receive
caring <----> trust
understanding <----> acceptance
respect <----> appreciation
devotion <----> admiration
validation <----> approval
reassurance <----> encouragement
-Fulfilling a primary need is required before one is able to fully receive & appreciate e other kinds of love.
-A man commonly makes e mistake of thinking tt once he has met all of a woman's primary love needs, and she feels happy and secure, tt she should know from then on tt she is loved. ( reassure her again & again)
-The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him.
-The best way to help a man grow is to let go of trying to change him in any way.
Notes: - Man common mistake is : fail to give reassurance
- woman common mistake is : try to change/ improve a man
Chp9 - How to avoid arguments
-Just as communication is the most important element in a relationship, arguments can be e most destructive element.
-Most couples start out arguing about one thing and, within five minutes, are arguing about the way they are arguing.
4 F's for avoiding hurt ( short-term gain) ; most destructive due to failure in communication
Fight (men) - make e other looks wrong, muscle his way out ; intimidation always weakens trust in a relationship, loses intimacy too.
Flight (men) (cold war) - go to cave
Fake ( woman) - in resentment
Fold (woman) ( give in , loses self)
-Intimidation always weakens trust in a relationship.
-Men rarely say " i'm sorry" becos on mars it means you have done something wrong and you are apologizing.
-Most arguments escalate when a man begins to invalidate a woman's feelings and she responds to him disapprovingly.
-The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when they share their feelings.
-1 critical pair of problems frm which arguments arise:
1. The man feels tt e woman disapproves of his point of view.
2. Or e woman disapproves of e way e man is talking to her.
Men are most prone to argue when they have made a mistake or upset e woman they love.
Notes: - problems causing argument ;
-men: refuse to admit wrong or say sorry
-invalidate a women's feelings and she respond to him disapprovingly
-feels tt e woman disapprove of his point of view - thus e woman disapprove e way e man is talking to her
-most prone to argue when they have made a mistake or upset e woman they love
Chp10 - Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex
-When a woman keeps score, no matter how big or small a gift of love is, it scores one point; each gift has equal value.
-Most men strive for greater and greater success becos they believe it will make them worthy of love.
-5 major reasons a man stops giving:
1. Martians idealize fairness
-for men: remember tt for a woman, big things & little things score one point. All gifts of love are equal and equally needed-big & small. To avoid creating resentment, practice doing some of the little things tt make a big diff. Do not expect a woman to be satisfied unless she gets an abundance of little expressions of love as well as e big.
2. Venusians Idealize Unconditional love.
-for men: remember tt when a woman gives with a smile on her face, it doesnt necessarily mean e score is close to even.
3. Martians give when they are asked.
-for men: remember tt a woman instinctively does not ask for support when she wants it. Instead, she expects you to offer it if you love her. Practice offering to support her in little ways.
4. Venusians say Yes even when e score is uneven.
-for men: remember tt if she says yes to ur requests, it doesnt mean e score is even. The score may be twenty to zero in her mind & she will still happily say Yes/Ok. Agreeing to doing what you want doesnt mean tt it is what she wants. Ask her what she wants to do. Collect info abt what she likes, then offer to take her to those places.
5. Martians give Penalty Points.
-for men: remember tt penalty points are not fair & do not work. At moments when you feel unloved, offended, hurt, forgive her & remember all e good she has given rather than penalize her negating it all. Instead of punishing her, ask her for e support you want, and she will give it. Respectfully let her know she has hurt you. Let her know how she has hurt you and then give her an opportunity to apologize. Punishment does not work! You will feel much better by giving her a chance to give you what you need. Remember she is a Venusian - she doesnt know what you need or how she hurts you.
- Certainly a man also requires equal participation from a woman in doing e domestic duties of day to day life, but if he is not appreciated, then her contribution is nearly meaningless and completely unimportant to him.
-If a man has made a mistake and feels embarrassed, sorry, or ashamed, then he needs her love more...The bigger the mistake, the more points he gives.
-When a man is in a negative state, treat him like a passing tornado and lie low.
Chp11 - How to communicate difficult feelings
-Whether you share e feelings in your letter or you just write a letter to feel better, writing down your feelings is an essential tool.
Love letter technique; - a way to love urself
1. Write a love letter expressing ur feelings of anger, sadness, fear, regret, and love.
2. Write a response letter expression what you want to hear from ur partner.
3. Share your love letter and response letter with ur partner.
-Response letters are e best way to teach a man about a woman's needs.
-Ironically, e very act of avoiding our negative emotions gives them e power to control our lives.
-Books can inspire you to love urself more, but by listenly to, writing out, or verbally expressing ur feelings u r actually doing it.
-To grow in our ability to love ourselves we need to receive love as well.
-When u take e time to listen to ur feelings, u r in effect saying to e little feeling person inside "you matter. u deserve to be heard and i care enough to listen"
Chp12 - How to ask for support and get it
-On venus their motto is " love is never having to ask!"
-If a woman is not asking for support, a man assumes he is giving enough.
3steps: ask correctly & getting what you want.
1. Practice asking correctly for what you're already getting
2. Practice asking for more, even when you know he will say no, and accept his no
3. Practice assertive asking
Step1:
-When a man hears a demanding tone, no matter how nicely you phrase ur request, all he hears is tt he is not giving enough. His tendency is then to give less until you appreciate what he is already giving.
Tips for motivating a Man.
1. Appropriate Timing
2. Non-demanding attitude, be brief ( assume he doesnt have to be convinced ) , be direct, and use correct wording.
-When asking a man for support, assume tt he doesnt have to be convinced.
-"could you" sounds like a demand, not a request to man. and he dont feel appreciated. (feels like being controlled)
-"would you" sounds like a request and a chance to be e good guy. ( feels like " im being trusted to serve" )
-The "c" words sounds too untrusting, indirect, weak, and manipulative, taken for granted.
use "would you please/mind...?"
Step2: Practice asking for more
-Men are much more willing to say yes if they have e freedom to say no.
-When you ask a man for support & you do not reject him for saying no, he will remember tt, and next time he will be much more willing to give.
Step3: Practice Assertive asking. (self-assured/confident)
-When a man grumbles it is a good sign- he is trying to consider ur request versus his needs.
-One of e key elements of assertive asking is to remain silent after you have asked for support.
Chp13 - Keeping e magic of love alive
-It is a paradox: becos you feel safe with ur partner, ur deepest fears have a chance to surface.
When they surface you become afraid and are unable to share what you feel.
-Notes: learning points:
- reassurance is the most important for woman becos they are like waves
-men need to stop giving solutions & start listening
-woman should use e correct words when come to "questioning " their man, esp when they are tired/ in bad mood after a day of work, they might need space to go into their caves.
-ask for support e correct way, accept who he is & appreciate what he do & approve his decisions
-when his down at his lowest, give encouragement
- men should be more thoughtful, in doing more things for her, instead of just fulfilling her in e financial area, or become too busy with work/ over focus in work accomplishment which may cuase her to feel unlove/ neglected/
-love brings up our unresolved feelings.
-90/10 principle: 90% -> past , 10% -> present
-Seasons of love ;
1. spring time - honeymoon period
2. summer - show diff ( compromise)
3. autumn - overcome obstacle -> love grows stronger
4. winter - both need some time/ space alone
-We mistakenly assume tt if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways - the ways we react and behave when we love someone.
-When men and women are able to respect & accept their diff, then love has a chance to blossom.
Notes: - taking additional effort for granted, thus lack of appreciation on both sides.
-for inexperience couples, they are unaware of their diff, thus fail to respect each others diff, eventually leading to fights/argument
Chp2 - Mr. Fix-It & the Home-Improvement Committee
- A man's sense of self is defined thru his ability to achieve results.
-To offer man unsolicited advice is to presume tt he doesnt know what to do or tt he cant do it on his own.
-A woman's sense of self is defined thru her feelings & e quality of her relationships.
-Generally speaking, when a woman offers unsolicited advice or tries to "help" a man, she has no idea of how critical & unloving she may sound to him.
-Many times a woman just wants to share her feelings abt her day, and her husband, thinking he is helping, interrupts her by offering a steady flow of solutions to her problems.
2 common mistakes;
1. A man tries to change a woman's feelings when she is upset by becoming Mr.Fix-It & offering solutions to her problems tt invalidate her feelings.
2. A woman tries to change a man's behavior when he makes mistakes by becoming e home-improvement committee & offering unsolicited advice or criticism.
-When our partner resists us it is probably because we have made a mistake in our timing or approach.
-A man wants to make improvements when he feels he is being approached as e solution to a problem rather than as e problem itself.
Notes: - misunderstanding caused by offering uneffective solutions to each other.
-mistakes in our timing or approach
-wrong timing to offer man unsolicited advice when he want to solve e problem on his own
-wrong approach to provide solutions to a woman when she just needs a listening ear.
-problems caused by not understanding e opposite sex.
Chp3 - Men go to their caves and women talk
-To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone.
-To feel better Venusians get together and openly talk abt their problems.
-A woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself & being understood.
-To forget her own painful feelings a woman may become emotionally involved in e problems of others.
-Just as a man is fulfilled thru working out e intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled thru talking about e details of her problems.
Notes: - men prefer to be alone to think/solve problems
-women prefer to share their feelings & talk about their problems to feel relief/ in order to forget about it.
Chp4 - How to Motivate e opposite Sex
-Men are motivated & empowered when they feel needed, women are motivated & empowered when they feel cherished.
-Given e opportunity to prove his potential, a man expresses his best self. Only when he feels he cannot succeed does he regress back to his old selfish ways.
-Not to be needed is a slow death for a man.
-A woman's tendency to be compulsive relaxes as she remembers tt she is worthy of love- she doesnt have to earn it; she can relax, give less, and recieve more. She deserves it.
-When she wakes up & remembers her needs, he also wakes up & wants to give her more.
-A man's deepest fear is tt he is not good enough or tt he is incompetent.
-Just as women are afraid of receiving, men are afraid of giving.
-It is difficult for a man to listen to a woman when she is unhappy or disappointed because he feels like a failure.
Notes: -men should cherish woman
-women should allow man e opportunity to prove himself and show they need their men.
-important to support each other when one is feeling low instead of proving/ comparing/ disagree
Chp5 - Speaking Diff Languages
-The Martian & Venusian languages had e sames words, but e way they were used gave diff meanings.
-To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license to use various superlatives, metaphors and generalizations.
-The number one complaint women have in relationships is "I don't feel heard." Even this complaint is misunderstood by men!
-The biggest challenge for women is correctly interpret & support a man when he isnt talking.
-When a man is silent it is easy for a woman to imagine e worst.
-Never go into a man's cave or you will be burned by the dragon!
-It is very difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied.
-A woman should not be judged for needing this reassurance, ( 4 magic word: I will be back) just as a man should not be judged for needing to withdraw.
Notes: - same words/ diff meaning
-men: silence, hates to be pitied, need to withdraw to his cave
-women : imagine e worst, feel unheard by men, need to talk , uses various indirect phrases tt most men misinterpret. need reassurance tt should not be judged.
-men need to say e 4 magic word: i will be back.
Chp6 - Men are like Rubber Bands
-When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer.
-A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy.
-To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner.
-The man grows to understand his own cycles and reassures her when he pulls away tt he will be back.
Notes: -need to pull away b4 he can get closer
-else, to a certain extent, loses himself
- grows to understand his own cycles & reassures her when he pulls away tt he will be back.
-need freedom/space (cave time)
Chp7 - Women are like Waves
-A woman's self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When she hits bottom, it is a time for emotional housecleaning
-In relationships, men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.
-Even when a man is succeeding in supporting a woman she may become even more upset.
-When negative feelings are suppressed, positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies.
-Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding.
-Warning signs for Men tt she may be going into her well or when she needs his love the most.
She feels She may say
Overwhelmed - there is so much to do
Insecure - i need more
Resentful - i do everything
Worried - but what about...
Confused - i dont understand why...
Exhausted - i cant do anything more
Hopeless - i dont know what to do
Passive - i dont care, do what you want
Demanding - you should...
Withholding - no, i dont want to...
Mistrustful - what do you mean by that?
Controlling - well, did you...?
Disapproving - how could you forget...?
-By supporting her need to be heard, she could support his need to be free.
-It puts too much pressure on a man to make him e only source of love and support.
-As a woman's financial needs are fulfilled she becomes more aware of her emotional needs.
-3 steps for supporting her when he needs to pull away.
1. accept your limitations
2. understand her pain
3. avoid arguing and give reassurance
Notes: - need to do emotional housecleaning
-fall in their ability to love themselves & others
-must not suppress negative feelings ( need to share), else positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies
- need e right to be upset and want understanding
-gives warning signs tt she may be going into her well or when she needs his love e most.
-as a woman's financial needs are fulfilled she becomes more aware of her emotional needs.
Chp8 - Discovering our diff Emotional Needs
The primary love needs of women & men.
Women need to receive Men need to receive
caring <----> trust
understanding <----> acceptance
respect <----> appreciation
devotion <----> admiration
validation <----> approval
reassurance <----> encouragement
-Fulfilling a primary need is required before one is able to fully receive & appreciate e other kinds of love.
-A man commonly makes e mistake of thinking tt once he has met all of a woman's primary love needs, and she feels happy and secure, tt she should know from then on tt she is loved. ( reassure her again & again)
-The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him.
-The best way to help a man grow is to let go of trying to change him in any way.
Notes: - Man common mistake is : fail to give reassurance
- woman common mistake is : try to change/ improve a man
Chp9 - How to avoid arguments
-Just as communication is the most important element in a relationship, arguments can be e most destructive element.
-Most couples start out arguing about one thing and, within five minutes, are arguing about the way they are arguing.
4 F's for avoiding hurt ( short-term gain) ; most destructive due to failure in communication
Fight (men) - make e other looks wrong, muscle his way out ; intimidation always weakens trust in a relationship, loses intimacy too.
Flight (men) (cold war) - go to cave
Fake ( woman) - in resentment
Fold (woman) ( give in , loses self)
-Intimidation always weakens trust in a relationship.
-Men rarely say " i'm sorry" becos on mars it means you have done something wrong and you are apologizing.
-Most arguments escalate when a man begins to invalidate a woman's feelings and she responds to him disapprovingly.
-The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when they share their feelings.
-1 critical pair of problems frm which arguments arise:
1. The man feels tt e woman disapproves of his point of view.
2. Or e woman disapproves of e way e man is talking to her.
Men are most prone to argue when they have made a mistake or upset e woman they love.
Notes: - problems causing argument ;
-men: refuse to admit wrong or say sorry
-invalidate a women's feelings and she respond to him disapprovingly
-feels tt e woman disapprove of his point of view - thus e woman disapprove e way e man is talking to her
-most prone to argue when they have made a mistake or upset e woman they love
Chp10 - Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex
-When a woman keeps score, no matter how big or small a gift of love is, it scores one point; each gift has equal value.
-Most men strive for greater and greater success becos they believe it will make them worthy of love.
-5 major reasons a man stops giving:
1. Martians idealize fairness
-for men: remember tt for a woman, big things & little things score one point. All gifts of love are equal and equally needed-big & small. To avoid creating resentment, practice doing some of the little things tt make a big diff. Do not expect a woman to be satisfied unless she gets an abundance of little expressions of love as well as e big.
2. Venusians Idealize Unconditional love.
-for men: remember tt when a woman gives with a smile on her face, it doesnt necessarily mean e score is close to even.
3. Martians give when they are asked.
-for men: remember tt a woman instinctively does not ask for support when she wants it. Instead, she expects you to offer it if you love her. Practice offering to support her in little ways.
4. Venusians say Yes even when e score is uneven.
-for men: remember tt if she says yes to ur requests, it doesnt mean e score is even. The score may be twenty to zero in her mind & she will still happily say Yes/Ok. Agreeing to doing what you want doesnt mean tt it is what she wants. Ask her what she wants to do. Collect info abt what she likes, then offer to take her to those places.
5. Martians give Penalty Points.
-for men: remember tt penalty points are not fair & do not work. At moments when you feel unloved, offended, hurt, forgive her & remember all e good she has given rather than penalize her negating it all. Instead of punishing her, ask her for e support you want, and she will give it. Respectfully let her know she has hurt you. Let her know how she has hurt you and then give her an opportunity to apologize. Punishment does not work! You will feel much better by giving her a chance to give you what you need. Remember she is a Venusian - she doesnt know what you need or how she hurts you.
- Certainly a man also requires equal participation from a woman in doing e domestic duties of day to day life, but if he is not appreciated, then her contribution is nearly meaningless and completely unimportant to him.
-If a man has made a mistake and feels embarrassed, sorry, or ashamed, then he needs her love more...The bigger the mistake, the more points he gives.
-When a man is in a negative state, treat him like a passing tornado and lie low.
Chp11 - How to communicate difficult feelings
-Whether you share e feelings in your letter or you just write a letter to feel better, writing down your feelings is an essential tool.
Love letter technique; - a way to love urself
1. Write a love letter expressing ur feelings of anger, sadness, fear, regret, and love.
2. Write a response letter expression what you want to hear from ur partner.
3. Share your love letter and response letter with ur partner.
-Response letters are e best way to teach a man about a woman's needs.
-Ironically, e very act of avoiding our negative emotions gives them e power to control our lives.
-Books can inspire you to love urself more, but by listenly to, writing out, or verbally expressing ur feelings u r actually doing it.
-To grow in our ability to love ourselves we need to receive love as well.
-When u take e time to listen to ur feelings, u r in effect saying to e little feeling person inside "you matter. u deserve to be heard and i care enough to listen"
Chp12 - How to ask for support and get it
-On venus their motto is " love is never having to ask!"
-If a woman is not asking for support, a man assumes he is giving enough.
3steps: ask correctly & getting what you want.
1. Practice asking correctly for what you're already getting
2. Practice asking for more, even when you know he will say no, and accept his no
3. Practice assertive asking
Step1:
-When a man hears a demanding tone, no matter how nicely you phrase ur request, all he hears is tt he is not giving enough. His tendency is then to give less until you appreciate what he is already giving.
Tips for motivating a Man.
1. Appropriate Timing
2. Non-demanding attitude, be brief ( assume he doesnt have to be convinced ) , be direct, and use correct wording.
-When asking a man for support, assume tt he doesnt have to be convinced.
-"could you" sounds like a demand, not a request to man. and he dont feel appreciated. (feels like being controlled)
-"would you" sounds like a request and a chance to be e good guy. ( feels like " im being trusted to serve" )
-The "c" words sounds too untrusting, indirect, weak, and manipulative, taken for granted.
use "would you please/mind...?"
Step2: Practice asking for more
-Men are much more willing to say yes if they have e freedom to say no.
-When you ask a man for support & you do not reject him for saying no, he will remember tt, and next time he will be much more willing to give.
Step3: Practice Assertive asking. (self-assured/confident)
-When a man grumbles it is a good sign- he is trying to consider ur request versus his needs.
-One of e key elements of assertive asking is to remain silent after you have asked for support.
Chp13 - Keeping e magic of love alive
-It is a paradox: becos you feel safe with ur partner, ur deepest fears have a chance to surface.
When they surface you become afraid and are unable to share what you feel.
-Notes: learning points:
- reassurance is the most important for woman becos they are like waves
-men need to stop giving solutions & start listening
-woman should use e correct words when come to "questioning " their man, esp when they are tired/ in bad mood after a day of work, they might need space to go into their caves.
-ask for support e correct way, accept who he is & appreciate what he do & approve his decisions
-when his down at his lowest, give encouragement
- men should be more thoughtful, in doing more things for her, instead of just fulfilling her in e financial area, or become too busy with work/ over focus in work accomplishment which may cuase her to feel unlove/ neglected/
-love brings up our unresolved feelings.
-90/10 principle: 90% -> past , 10% -> present
-Seasons of love ;
1. spring time - honeymoon period
2. summer - show diff ( compromise)
3. autumn - overcome obstacle -> love grows stronger
4. winter - both need some time/ space alone
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Types of Nonverbal Communication
Types of Nonverbal Communication
8 Major Behaviors:
1. Facial Expression
Facial expressions are responsible for a huge proportion of nonverbal communication. Consider how much information can be conveyed with a smile or a frown. While nonverbal communication and behavior can vary dramatically between cultures, the facial expressions for happiness, sadness, anger and fear are similar throughout the world.
2. Gestures
Deliberate movements and signals are an important way to communicate meaning without words. Common gestures include waving, pointing, and using fingers to indicate numeric amounts. Other gestures are arbitrary and related to culture.
3. Paralinguistics
Paralinguistics refers to vocal communication that is separate from actual language. This includes factors such as tone of voice, loudness, inflection and pitch. Consider the powerful effect that tone of voice can have on the meaning of a sentence. When said in a strong tone of voice, listeners might interpret approval and enthusiasm. The same words said in a hesitant tone of voice might convey disapproval and a lack of interest.
4. Body Language and Posture
Posture and movement can also convey a great deal on information. Research on body language has grown significantly since the 1970's, but popular media have focused on the over-interpretation of defensive postures, arm-crossing, and leg-crossing, especially after the publication of Julius Fast's book Body Language. While these nonverbal behaviors can indicate feelings and attitudes, research suggests that body language is far more subtle and less definitive that previously believed.
5. Proxemics
People often refer to their need for "personal space," which is also an important type of nonverbal communication. The amount of distance we need and the amount of space we perceive as belonging to us is influenced by a number of factors including social norms, situational factors, personality characteristics and level of familiarity. For example, the amount of personal space needed when having a casual conversation with another person usually varies between 18 inches to four feet. On the other hand, the personal distance needed when speaking to a crowd of people is around 10 to 12 feet.
6. Eye Gaze
Looking, staring and blinking can also be important nonverbal behaviors. When people encounter people or things that they like, the rate of blinking increases and pupils dilate. Looking at another person can indicate a range of emotions, including hostility, interest and attraction.
7. Haptics
Communicating through touch is another important nonverbal behavior. There has been a substantial amount of research on the importance of touch in infancy and early childhood. Harry Harlow's classic monkey study demonstrated how the deprivation of touch and contact impedes development. Baby monkeys raised by wire mothers experienced permanent deficits in behavior and social interaction. Touch can be used to communicate affection, familiarity, sympathy and other emotions.
8. Appearance
Our choice of color, clothing, hairstyles and other factors affecting appearance are also considered a means of nonverbal communication. Research on color psychology has demonstrated that different colors can evoke different moods. Appearance can also alter physiological reactions, judgments and interpretations. Just think of all the subtle judgements you quickly make about someone based on his or her appearance. These first impressions are important, which is why experts suggest that job seekers dress appropriately for interviews with potential employers.
8 Major Behaviors:
1. Facial Expression
Facial expressions are responsible for a huge proportion of nonverbal communication. Consider how much information can be conveyed with a smile or a frown. While nonverbal communication and behavior can vary dramatically between cultures, the facial expressions for happiness, sadness, anger and fear are similar throughout the world.
2. Gestures
Deliberate movements and signals are an important way to communicate meaning without words. Common gestures include waving, pointing, and using fingers to indicate numeric amounts. Other gestures are arbitrary and related to culture.
3. Paralinguistics
Paralinguistics refers to vocal communication that is separate from actual language. This includes factors such as tone of voice, loudness, inflection and pitch. Consider the powerful effect that tone of voice can have on the meaning of a sentence. When said in a strong tone of voice, listeners might interpret approval and enthusiasm. The same words said in a hesitant tone of voice might convey disapproval and a lack of interest.
4. Body Language and Posture
Posture and movement can also convey a great deal on information. Research on body language has grown significantly since the 1970's, but popular media have focused on the over-interpretation of defensive postures, arm-crossing, and leg-crossing, especially after the publication of Julius Fast's book Body Language. While these nonverbal behaviors can indicate feelings and attitudes, research suggests that body language is far more subtle and less definitive that previously believed.
5. Proxemics
People often refer to their need for "personal space," which is also an important type of nonverbal communication. The amount of distance we need and the amount of space we perceive as belonging to us is influenced by a number of factors including social norms, situational factors, personality characteristics and level of familiarity. For example, the amount of personal space needed when having a casual conversation with another person usually varies between 18 inches to four feet. On the other hand, the personal distance needed when speaking to a crowd of people is around 10 to 12 feet.
6. Eye Gaze
Looking, staring and blinking can also be important nonverbal behaviors. When people encounter people or things that they like, the rate of blinking increases and pupils dilate. Looking at another person can indicate a range of emotions, including hostility, interest and attraction.
7. Haptics
Communicating through touch is another important nonverbal behavior. There has been a substantial amount of research on the importance of touch in infancy and early childhood. Harry Harlow's classic monkey study demonstrated how the deprivation of touch and contact impedes development. Baby monkeys raised by wire mothers experienced permanent deficits in behavior and social interaction. Touch can be used to communicate affection, familiarity, sympathy and other emotions.
8. Appearance
Our choice of color, clothing, hairstyles and other factors affecting appearance are also considered a means of nonverbal communication. Research on color psychology has demonstrated that different colors can evoke different moods. Appearance can also alter physiological reactions, judgments and interpretations. Just think of all the subtle judgements you quickly make about someone based on his or her appearance. These first impressions are important, which is why experts suggest that job seekers dress appropriately for interviews with potential employers.
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